Are men from Mars and women from Venus?

There are undoubtedly gender differences between men and women and I’d be the last person to argue with it. Having said that, I do believe that a great deal of those differences are due to centuries of stereotypical socialisation and yes, I am aware that there are plenty of studies that may claim differences in brain function between men and women.  The question is,  has it always been like that or because of differences in socialisation, men and women were forced to use different part of their brain?… but that’s one of those chicken and egg situations and it’s not the reason why I am writing this.

In my experience, when it comes to intimate relationships, I am not certain that the there are truly such profound differences between men and women, as people would like to think.  I can hear most of you screaming at me; and in particular, probably women!   I have to ask you to hang on to your horses and I shall explain.

I have worked with many same-sex couples over the years, be it two men or two women, or in fact couples whereby one partner had a sex exchange .  So if it were true that men are alike and women are alike, then theoretically, none of these couples should have had any problems.  You maybe surprised to hear however, that their issues are exactly the same ones that any straight couples may have.  Whether it is with regard to tidiness, fidelity, selfishness, sex, money, control, communication, family and so on and so forth-  the list is long and complicated.  So you can see that what is usually in a heterosexual relationship blamed on gender difference, is actually due to personality traits and interactions that create certain dynamics within relationships, which in turn tend to  become problematic and at times quite destructive. Another argument is that surely, if those problems were to be truly down to the gender, then all men should be exactly the same and the same should be true for all women. However, we all know that in real life, it’s not like that.  It is a matter of the personality and the fabric of an individual rather than their gender.

In general, I agree that due to the way men and women are socialised, there is a tendency for men to act, interact, behave and approach life in a way, that on the surface may appear to be very different to women and vice versa.   However, when it comes to problems in your intimate relationships, please stop playing the “gender difference card” and take appropriate steps to constructively address the issues.