Dealing with loss
How does one really deals with loss. The first problem is comprehending it. We don’t really have a tangible concept of death or what follows afterwards. What we know is based on what religion or philosophy teach us, but nobody really has experienced what they tell us; at least not during our life time. So we are just left to accept that one day to the next, the person we love and care about is simply gone! Just like that. We have to accept that we will never be able to talk to them, touch them, hold the, tell them we love them or make amends if things had gone sour…it seems too devastating and too unbelievable.
So what can we do?
We all have different ways of reacting to loss and grieve in different ways; from crying incosolably, stiffing up a lip and carrying on to thinking of funny stories and laughing. The truth is that there is no roght or wrong, as we are all individuals and often in extreme situations in life, we don’t know ourselves, how we are going to respond or cope. What is really important is that regardless of how we choose to portray our grief externally, when amongst people, that when we are alone, we are honest with ourselves, that we make time and space to allow all those feelings, pain, disappointment, emptiness, anger, guilt, regret…to come out. It is important that whilst we learn everyday to adjust that bit more to the reality that that person is no longer accessible to us, to also remember that it depends on us whether we wish to keep them alive and continuous part of our life, moving forward. What I mean by that is keeping alive the memories of the person, to remind ourselves of everything they stood for and how they impacted on us and others. The things we loved about them and others that we found annoying. Unfortunately, too often I hear people saying that nobody is allowed to talk about the deceased in their family, as if it’s taboo! It becomes the pink elephant in the room that everybody sees but nobody dares to talk about. When this happens, people isolate themselves in their grief and loss rather than sharing it with others. Sadly, all that achieves is to create a distance between us and other loved ones.
So take my advice and work on getting the balance right between letting go of the deceased person enough to be able to carry on with your life and achieving what you need and at the same time keeping the person’s memories alive.