Trauma
For many people, trauma is often associated with horrific incidents such as a plane crash, sexual and physical abuse but this is not entirely true. Fact is that trauma is more common than people think. I often have patients insisting that nothing traumatic has happened to them. However, once I describe the impact of it, they realise they have suffered trauma. I would like to talk about the type of trauma that is not that obvious to most people and it mainly concerns the childhood and formative years.
Childhood and formative years trauma
This type of trauma is classified as complex and is one of the most significant types of trauma. The reason for this is that as children and teenagers, we are building the foundation of the person we will become one day, hence any interference with the emotional and psychological development is quite detrimental. In particular, if it is happening over a long period of time and it is accumulative in nature.
A child that has never been praised or always criticised, never been hugged or allowed to express their feelings, has been witness to their parents’ arguments or has been bullied at school -the list is long- has suffered trauma. I know most of you reading this will find it difficult to accept, as you may well recall parents who gave you everything or were never abusive. Another reason why people often fail to acknowledge that they may have experienced trauma, is that they look at their childhood and formative years, with the eyes of an adult and whilst they may recognise to a degree that some incidents were difficult, they would never dream of labelling it as traumatic. Whenever I have children for therapy, I ask the parents whether there has been anything traumatic or distressing in the child’s life but I also ask the child. You’ll be surprised to hear that to a child, the one incident when “mummy was late to pick me up…” was distressing and of course if this happens quite frequently, then that distress keeps building up.
Characteristics of an adult who has suffered trauma
Trauma creates a dichotomy in the personality. This means that people who have suffered childhood and formative years trauma, externally, may appear to be very resourceful, highly functional, competent, and confident. Nobody would ever think they could have any problems or if they did, they would easily deal with them. The reason for this is that these individuals, often from a very young age, had to deal with issues that were way beyond what an average child has to deal with. The other side of coin is that inwardly, they have an innate vulnerability that is equally above an average person’s. The reason for this is that in order for us to survive trauma, we cut off and disintegrate the traumatic experience. Just imagine the core of a person is like the trunk of a tree, the more you slice off, the smaller and more fragile it becomes.
Another consequence of this is that the person’s locus of control becomes external so they tend to seek reassurance and approval outwardly. They also find it difficult to contain their emotions and their sense of well-being is very much dependant on external factors. This is because growing up, they often experienced themselves as disempowered and unable to impact on their environment. They felt that everything is outside their control and that they are out of their depth a great deal of the time. This continues in their adult life, so they tend not to take ownership of their success, they worry a great deal and have often to plan and prepare. Many tend to be quite rigid and find any kind of change very difficult and tend to become rather anxious.
Another main characteristic is that they find their reactions to a person or situation disproportionate i.e. rationally, they understand that there is no reason to feel this angry, scared, jealous etc but emotionally, the feeling is still there. The reason is that something about that situation has triggered off past trauma. The person is not reacting to just this current incident that someone made them feel stupid but to all those hundred times in the past and their current reaction is completely appropriate in the context of all those other experiences but of course, it feels greatly exaggerated to this one current incident. These individuals often have a very fragile sense of self, which is in addition, can be quite negative. What is also important to know is that trauma never feels far away, it’s almost like you could turn around and it’s just there, so it has a very alive and close quality to it.
Can trauma be treated
People can manage trauma all their life but I warn them that trauma is like a metal ball on a chain attached to your ankle, as long as you are walking straight, it is toddling behind you at a distance, but the minute you fall down, it comes and whacks you. That means that as soon as your vulnerability gets beyond a certain point, the floodgates open and everything comes out. The good news is that trauma can be treated but not by talking about it. You can talk about trauma until the cows come home and it won’t go away! That will just give you some relief. The only way to shift trauma, is by processing it i.e. reliving it. There are a number of techniques that can achieve that. People often ask me, can you please delete it and the answer is no, you can’t delete trauma but by processing it, it becomes neutral and reintegrated. What is past remains in the past and what is present is clearly in the present.
This is a very brief excursion into the fascinating world of trauma. There is so much more to say on this extensive subject, so if you have any questions, please let me know.
